24.09.2012 - Monday 

So many great opportunities i could have being where i am. but will i achieve them. that is the real question. throughout my life i never thought that i was an underachiever. i always thought the best of myself. i loved what i did, i felt so carefree. today however, made me realise. what am to do, if all else fails?

i wouldn’t know what to do. I’ve planned my life to be as fulfilling as i could, but what if i never achieve my dreams. what do i do then?

I guess i will just have to see how my future will be like.

05.09.2012 - Wednesday 

Today was the first day of school. I couldn’t say I wasn’t happy to see my friends and classmates, but today realising how many percent of the school i really despise of.. it’s sad.
These people although through no one’s fault i have created a bubble of hate around them. this really bugs me, what have they done to make me dislike them so much? to be honest they have done nothing particularly to me for me to feel this way, but what they have done to other people allows me continue this hate for them. I am not perfect myself and i know this but with these people, they make people feel so small and as if they are not important. And as taught, you should not care for what others think, but why should they be allowed to think so small of us?
In my year, there are many that possess a lot of confidence, and this of course, is good. However, through a different perspective this confidence of theirs can be seen as arrogance. And I, myself do see this as arrogance sometimes, but you cannot blame people.
My school has changed, so much, and change is good, but constant change can make it uncomfortable for the people in the school. the school, with GCSE’s getting harder, they hope we could do better and they hope they can aid to push us to this achievement. With this, i am happy for the school to support us in all ways… however by doing this, they chose to do this by piling on our work load. do they not understand that we, as humans, need a break from this once in a while? We are only human, we can only do so much. this work load could potentially cause us to have stress, and stress will decrease our abilities to perform to the best, this is the exact opposite of what they want. i just don’t understand any more.

03.09.2012 - Monday 

It’s the beginning of a new academic year for me and this year i promise myself that i will try my hardest.

this year i will not be as lazy and just wait for the results to come to me, i will try and achieve them for myself. the previous academic year, i was pretty laid back, i tried my best but even then i knew i could do better. sometimes i think why should i do better though? when i do it for myself i know that this is fine, but when i think of doing it for other people, my results are never good enough. my mother hopes that me and my sister will be great achievers in the future.. i myself, hope that too, but the thing is the pressure put upon me to do so.. is so much and sometimes i feel i cannot breathe.

However, with this pressure load i still pretend that i’m okay, i tell myself, “if you can fake an interest in people’s life, you can fake being okay for one more day.”

It’s harder than it’s thought being me, and no body understands..